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Boudoir for Anxiety: How are you tending to your garden?

I meet so many women every month, their stories filled with triumph and trauma, beauty and bumps in the road. These women's stories fill the studio and weave themselves in the very fabric of the sets designed to showcase them. And try as I do, even as I sit here with tea in my hand and music in the air, I cannot find the words to explain how magical this truly is.

Anxiety seems always to be waiting in around the corner doesn't it? A negative thought, a nervous laugh, a burst of undeserved rage. And whether it's anxiety over booking a boudoir session or just general anxiety, so often it seems the only way to address it, to overpower it, is to dive in head first.

As humans we don't particularly care to be uncomfortable and so despite our daily discomforts, we stick with what is familiar. It starts with a small seed of a thought, or an inconsequential dismissal of our desire; from there the weed grows and takes hold, and while we WANT to want a lush green garden, so often we cling to our weed because we know it...we allowed it to grow after all.

A boudoir session is an opportunity to look at what you've allowed to grow in your garden and decide if you are ready for new growth, The simple act of reaching out to discuss booking a session acts as the first clang of the shovel as it enters the dirt. And honestly...for some it ends there. The shovel immediately hits something that the gardener wasn't ready to dig up, and so she puts her shovel away and continues to water her weeds.

For others, once the shovel enters the ground, the very act of reaching out to my team to discuss a session, well, it awakens something, and instead of putting the shovel away, she starts to dig.

She's on the phone call, she's listening to my explanation of what she can expect from our time together, and despite the weeds leering at her, she has dug too deep for their roots to take hold of her. And it's at the moment of my asking "Do you have any other questions or are you ready for me to send the contract and invoice over?" that she is truly faced with deciding on how she wants her garden to look, to feel. And for the vast majority of the goddesses I speak to, they decide in that moment to plant a seed. A little, vulnerable green seed. She looks to the sun, and she hopes it's enough to nourish her seed.

She joins my Facebook group and she becomes surrounded, supported, by other gardeners; some who have planted their own weed gardens, others who have started to plow, and others still who have not only ridded their gardens of weeds but planted massive tress and beautiful flowers in their place. And it's in this group that she realizes that while she was busy worrying about watering her garden, and getting the right amount of sun, all she really needed to do was to accept that SHE is the garden.

Stepping into this realization is so freeing. Nerves still threaten her, but with the help of the group, the guidance I provide, and her own fortitude, she is excited for her session more than anything.

The day arrives, and I can't lie, the weeds seem strong for a moment. But as she walks up to the door of my studio and grabs the handle, she is suddenly reminded of all of the beautiful gardens that have been in this space before her, healing themselves, offering a level of support indescribable, and so she walks through the door,

And it's in this space that she finally strips herself of her fears, of the lies her weeds tried to get her heart to believe. It is here that she realizes her power, her ability to create,

She surrenders to waves of human emotions, and she laughs, and she is filled with so much joy that no weed could ever take root like before.

She is guided into poses that allow her to release the old stories, and as she flows, as her body moves to the words, she realizes she rewriting her story, That she is the narrator.

And in this, she is finally undone. She steps into her newly planted garden with the knowing that she is stepping into herself,

And in this, she can finally be seen,

Boudoir isn't the reward after struggle and strife or meeting a goal. Boudoir is the seed, it is the catalyst, and once you decide to start digging, you won't ever stop. When you're ready to start digging, I am here to help with the planting. I am always here.

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